Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Too my Wife and Mother of my Children

 With tears in my eyes I listened to the 911 call of Amanda Berry as she excitedly proclaimed her existence and her freedom after what must have been ten years of hell.  The timeliness of this revelation comes in concert with our celebration of Mother’s Day and the real tragedy is Amanda’s mother dying before the news of her daughter came to light.

Not being a mother but trying to play one at home has offered me a differing perspective of what it means to be a mother.  Let me get something straight right off the bat (an idiom that refers to doing something quickly, immediately and had its origins within either baseball or cricket, not the bug but the game in England) I am not a mother, will never be a mother and would not want to be a mother but I am learning, slowly what it means to be a mother and it’s not an easy process.

Being a mother requires a level of empathy that I will probably never develop, I’m not wired to feel that way when my kids or any kids for that matter fall down and hurt themselves.  I don’t have the same level of concern over their safety and often find myself going about my business without thinking about what the “children” are doing, lost in the garage or some other manly place that allows me to retain my masculinity, just assuming that all will be well.

Amanda’s mother suffered daily over the loss of her daughter, as did her father but the level of loss by her mother is profoundly more acute than most men can even fathom.  As males we do feel and we feel deeply for those we love and often for those whom we serve but the differences between men and women in relation to deep and abiding emotions are palpable and to never have had resolution of that loss for Amanda’s mother could only have been described as insufferably intolerable, perhaps the closest emotional connection humanity can have to true sorrow.

It is this mother’s perspective; a mothers love and devotion that we all need to more fully develop.  It is the chiasmic depths of eternal love that helps us to understand our place in life, our past and our future.  It is those feelings that separate us (men and women) from the animals and monsters that plague our natural state, those that would cause us harm and steal away our lives for their own evil inclinations.

I would like to give homage to a relative of mine the one and only Anna Jarvis who dedicated her life to pursuing the dreams of her mother and in the process established “mother’s day” in the United States.  For a full historical profile of mother’s day, click the link: 

As we approach Mother’s Day perhaps we can try a bit harder to understand the pressures of our mothers, our wives and our sisters and daughters.  The history of women has not been an easy one nor have the accolades provided much solace for all that these valiant women accomplish and endure.  One day a year we slow down, start looking for gifts and end up sending flowers or letting our mothers not do the dishes, or completely make the meal, they deserve so much more.

Amanda Berry became a mother while in captivity, her shining star the result of a heinous act of selfish brutality but the love she has for her daughter is unmolested by the molestation of her birth.  She is a true mother, a great example to all of us.  She has what I can only dream of possessing and will most likely continue to thrive now that she is free.

My advice to all is simple, learn about your mothers and potential mothers and treat them with the eternal deference they deserve.  As men it is our responsibility to guard and protect and in so doing respect and revere those who gave us life and continue to give of all they are so that we might be.  The least we can do is try to do more than flowers, maybe actually try to do the work she does every day for just one day…that would be nice.

And on this particular mothers day I want to let my wife know what an incredible woman I have for a wife. I know this is not wife's day but she is the Mother to my children (10) yes I said ten, all healthy, somewhat balanced and responsible and progressing though life as expected, they are all great kids and I attribute their success and stability to their mother, who has never shrunk from her duty and has excelled in every aspect of motherhood, including putting up with me.

I love you....

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